Grief is Hard, But You Are Strong

Dealing with grief… Not something we talk about a whole lot. You hear the “I’m sorry for

your loss” “Thinking bout you” “My Condolences”, things like that. But in the times of me dealing with grief, not many people took the time to talk to me about grief and what it looks like, or even point me to someone who has walked through it before me. So here I am and we are gonna chat about it. And before we go any farther, I need to say I am not a therapist or a counselor or anything like that. I am just a girl who has experienced grief and want others to see from someone else that it’s possible to continue going!

Grief is a crazy thing; it is defined as “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.” But we experience grief many times in life when we know someone who has died, when we have a breakup, when we have a parting from a friend, many reasons and they are all valid. Please hear me when I say that no matter why you are experiencing grief IT IS VALID. It should never be invalidated ever… 

The process of grief is also very different for everyone that experiences it. The intensity, the length of it, everything is going to be different. I know personally the grief I feel over the loss I have experienced has taken me years to even come to terms with. Some days are worse than others. Some days I’m so overtaken with emotion that I can barely function, Some I am numb, and others I just feel normal. 

Before I get all technical and statistical on you let me tell you a little bit about my journey with grief. When I was really young I lost my Great great aunt & uncle, but didn’t really understand because I was like 5 or something. The first time I remember actually feeling this crazy thing called grief is when I was in 4th grade, I had just turned 10 and 7 days later my Grandma lost her battle with Pancreatic Cancer. My grandma was my best friend and she was a big part in keeping my brother and I out of the fighting that happened in our family. Losing her was like my heart getting ripped out of my chest is the best way to put it honestly. The next person I lost was my “Uncle” Danny; I put uncle in quotes because he is technically my great uncle, but that’s what we called him. Uncle Danny and Aunt Kathy were probably some of the most involved relatives I had; they came to concerts, graduations, grad parties, and would also just come visit us as well. We lost Uncle Danny in 2016 (my sophomore year of high school). The next year (my junior year) at my school I witnessed a lot of grieving in my friends as they lost a young girl in the band, walking through my grief while trying to be present for my friends as they went through it as well sent me into a really weird place mentally. My senior year I’d like to say crap hit the fan. In September of 2018 I lost one of my best friends to an unknown medical diagnosis and in December of the same year another classmate also passed away. I dealt with all of that grief throughout college and then in 2022 I lost another friend, Nate, to a military training accident and lost my “Aunt” Kathy ending up passing away in January of that year. 

So I have dealt with my fair share of loss and have learned a lot in the process of facing grief head on the past few years.

Grief comes in stages which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And going through them is a roller coaster. Going through the stages is a roller coaster, and there is no time limit for them. 

Things to remember while going through grief

1. There is no time limit for Grief- never let anyone tell you you need to get over it. You are allowed to take your time to grieve. It has taken me years to even come to terms with the losses I have been through. I still deal with some of the stages. Sometimes I will call my friends in tears trying to figure out if it was just a fever dream if I slept weird or something. And all of it is okay. You are allowed to take your time to feel all the feelings.

2. Your reaction to whatever it is doesn’t define you- how you react does not dictate who you are as a person. A reaction is just that, a reaction, it doesn’t define the person you are and the character that has been shaped over your life.

3. Keep showing up- I know it’s hard to. It’s okay to be out for a couple days or so, but after that you have to keep showing up. Showing up will help keep some sense of normalcy when everything else feels like it’s been tossed up in the air. Hold onto what feels normal. And when you keep showing up then you still have people around you.

4. Keep people close- I know it’s easy to isolate yourself in these times, but it’s super important to keep your friends & family close so that they can help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

5. Finally- Don’t be afraid to ask for help- If you feel off, feel yourself spiraling in these times of grief ASK FOR HELP. Sometimes you can’t do it alone, and you weren’t created to do it alone. We were created to be in community.

I know this is kind of a shorter post for me, but I felt like it was really important to talk about. I will continue talking about it in the future as well. As someone who has been through it and is still going through it, it’s okay to have hard days. Keep showing up and look to people who have been through it before you. This tends to be a topic a lot of people don’t like to talk about because it’s hard to, I have trouble talking about it like this took me weeks to write because I felt like I couldn’t find the right words to say about it. I will continue to talk about this as it is important, and if you need to talk my email is linked to my blog page.

-Stephanie <3